sequence

I took your advice and began to write, I began to type, I began to type everything that was pouring out of my finger at any given moment into this moment because this is the exact moment in which I have any no one else can share, this is me, in all that I am, I am me and this is my story. I have figured out that I have nothing figured out that life is a giant guessing game that continually stumps me when I think I have it figured it out. I know that i have not traveled enough, I know that I have done shady things and I am at this very moment doing some controversial things in my attempt to try and figure it out. But I will never figure it out, I can only come so close before it pulls away and laughs so once more I began to chase it. I chase it with every ounce of every hope of every bit that rages inside me to understand, to be noticed, and to love like I want to love. I want to scream, I say AHHH in hopes that it will dictate and explain every emotion that I am feeling at the time. I sit here after a great night with a person that I never would have thought would turn out that while still leaving two others in the dust of what could be many broken hearts and my expense to figure out what I want. I realized that's it 3:21am and I just typed everything that came to my fingers and now I am thinking too much and I must stop. I just read an article that said "just type, don't think" and I did, and thats what came out. I am in a worldwind of emotion and context that I do not ever understand. I have positioned myself to hurt, to be hurt, and to completely destroy. But I want to see where this may lead, you have interested me beyond belief, you are at my level, so I think. You seem interested, fuck it, lets try it, if it fails and I wish I would have stayed with the safety net, atleast I know that you aren't miserable, and that you will find someone else to treat you better than I could have. I have not been the best person, I need, I want to, I will change this. It's almost 2010 I need to make a few minor changes in order for bigger changes to occur ,Goodnight,