sequence

I took your advice and began to write, I began to type, I began to type everything that was pouring out of my finger at any given moment into this moment because this is the exact moment in which I have any no one else can share, this is me, in all that I am, I am me and this is my story. I have figured out that I have nothing figured out that life is a giant guessing game that continually stumps me when I think I have it figured it out. I know that i have not traveled enough, I know that I have done shady things and I am at this very moment doing some controversial things in my attempt to try and figure it out. But I will never figure it out, I can only come so close before it pulls away and laughs so once more I began to chase it. I chase it with every ounce of every hope of every bit that rages inside me to understand, to be noticed, and to love like I want to love. I want to scream, I say AHHH in hopes that it will dictate and explain every emotion that I am feeling at the time. I sit here after a great night with a person that I never would have thought would turn out that while still leaving two others in the dust of what could be many broken hearts and my expense to figure out what I want. I realized that's it 3:21am and I just typed everything that came to my fingers and now I am thinking too much and I must stop. I just read an article that said "just type, don't think" and I did, and thats what came out. I am in a worldwind of emotion and context that I do not ever understand. I have positioned myself to hurt, to be hurt, and to completely destroy. But I want to see where this may lead, you have interested me beyond belief, you are at my level, so I think. You seem interested, fuck it, lets try it, if it fails and I wish I would have stayed with the safety net, atleast I know that you aren't miserable, and that you will find someone else to treat you better than I could have. I have not been the best person, I need, I want to, I will change this. It's almost 2010 I need to make a few minor changes in order for bigger changes to occur ,Goodnight,

An Explosion

Fake fights in my own mind
I organize crime and carry out bank heists
Invincible! For I hide in alley ways that you've passed through
A master of trickery, a warning to all glorious thugs
The Jewelery thief strikes back, I fight in fountains
Under the bridge, and under the bridge, and under the bridge
Plastic lights fall on synchronized interiors
strobe light messiah, god of eye trance
cascading through air, we have reached 4,000 feet
deploy sarcasm, we musn't miss!
Arrangement, arrangment, flower arrangement?
I arranged for the carry on, so please carry on
nothing to see here, but a disorganized blotch on yesterdays newspaper
with half the ink on your hand, do you rub it into the sky or your eyes
vision is only that of which we want to see, we arrange our vision lines in view to that of pleasantries created with a whim, we have risked the world and now we must triumph! We deserve the glory, the medallions, and the silver!
Jump off the cliff the water is warm and I cleared the sharks out yesterday

Unstable

Woah reactor complex complexity and I keep glancing at the time
A work around for I feel worked around, this gravel can't hold it's shape
WE MUST COMBUST
This is an anti-trust, anti-awareness and exhausted time lapse
I built up so well, I checked every edge and point, I ironed out my fault lines and used thread to cure the brain disease, you are impossible
My direct response to all that of direct response is as indirect as looking away when you spoke to that pear on the sidelines showing your softer side

Pork Chops

There are so many items on my to-do list for the next few days that I'd rather just throw it accross the room in hopes that upon impact, it does itself.

My body is exhausted, but yet I am going to try and complete a small book list to my parents for Christmas, write an email about a t-shirt concept to an artist, and then head out to my friends party for a bit. As much as I would like to get shit faced with my friends, it's Tuesday, and I love a lot of design work to complete tomorrow. I also have a few things I would like to get done tonight so that I do not have to worry about them tomorrow.

Red Bull before the shinding? Yes. And then I must manage my time accordingly so that I do not get caught up in the endless drunken banter, but damn I miss my friends and there will be people there I haven't seen in a while. I know that I work a lot to accomplish the things I want, but sometimes I feel like im missing out, even though I'm sure that's not the case. When you get to drunk to remember anyway, then technically it didn't happen, and wouldn't have, and therefore not going in the first place is practically the same thing...I think. Or something like that.

I ate way to much for dinner, 2 pork chops, mashed potatoes, chips, and a few cookies, thats also why I feel like instantly falling asleep at this very moment. But if I lay down I am going to pass out until like 7am and miss the party and I can forget getting anything else done. Continuing to type is also wasting time, so I should stop.

Food Assistance

Once upon time people looked down on others who had food stamps (now called Food Assistance Benefits) It's awesome how it went from eck foodSTAMPS omg you are so poor and stupid, to BENEFITS A HAHAHA FUCK OFF I WIN!

I'm going to apply for this thursday. There is nothing wrong with this. Im basically getting help to eat. Thanks Government. Don't ever be afraid of Food Assistance Benefits, anything you can reap for free from the GVT is a good thing. TAKE IT TO THE OX! Destroy the stars! I REIGN SUPREME!!!!!!!

Unless they turn me down, then GVT = 10 and Brandon = -10

Unless I find their secret cabinet of food stamps and steal them all. And hand them out to all of the lawn gnomes for a better life.

Understanding that I do not Understand

I can be selfish, it's exhausting, im worn out and about to fade out
I can't even get my streaming thoughts to load at a pace which constitutes a seamless knit
I'm holes in an old sweater that you still wear because you think it's goodluck
Luck, has nothing to do with it
Evaporating rapidly, rapidly precipitating, but no condensation on my mind
remember the water cycle? Well, it happens all the damn time
No control over tone control, lash out with your bats out, here is my ape shit piece of mind
Coin collections consisting of absolutely no coins, what's that mean? Absolutely nothing.
A profound interest in dissecting your brain like Operation, I want to smash your stupid red nose and rip out the alarm in your vocal box, stop fucking beeping at me
Oracle oh oracle, present your blinking light beams of impenetrable power and massacre, BELOW ME ARE THE DEPICTIONS OF A SERIOUS GUMMY BEAR
Digress I must, for if I stay on the chosen path I will dig it up and change it's direction, just to throw you off, because I'm a horrible mean jackass, get over it china doll I've got some porcelain to patch your misery, but only if you count on getting pushed off the shelf.